Mindful Meditation
My mother's birthday quickly approaches on the 15th, and always around this time I begin to reflect on a lot of things.
In just shy of five months I have picked up my life and have moved down to Los Angeles (Burbank to be exact). I left a beautiful four bedroom house, and moved into a cute two bedroom apartment with the man who has helped me find so much of myself I had thought I lost.
When I actually have a moment to myself, I sit back and wonder how the hell I got here. It all seems like it happened in the blink of an eye, and other times it feels as though it took a lifetime to get to this point.
The point of relief, clarity and fulfillment.
It has been just over a year that I had started a new job at the high school back at home. What a crazy beginning that was. I had just decided to get a divorce two Saturdays before my first day. Before that I had been living at my dad's for a month, and prior to that I was traveling through Europe. My life was in complete chaos.
I was lost.
Dealing with the choice to end a 12 year relationship was not an easy one. Anyone who thinks otherwise is sorely mistaken. However, I knew the right decision was made, but to other people, well, they had their own opinions. I lost friends and I know people's perspective of me changed. Things were said behind my back and to my face (which I always found really puzzling).
Lesson to be learned: Please think about what you tell people. Ask yourself what will be gained by telling that person shitty things that were being said about them? What do you gain by telling them?
From my own experience, nothing is to be gained. You just end up making that person feel worse about their already chaotic life.
I think about something my mom used to say all the time. "I'd rather be hurt than hurt someone."
That right there is the epitome of selflessness. I wish I was at her level.
We all could be a little more mindful and empathetic.
I have found some relief by taking a step or two back and reflecting on situations after they were over. Maybe not over but at least to the point when enough time has passed that I can actually sit back and look at them objectively.
Losing my mom and getting a divorce before 32 was not in my life plan. I've just come to accept what is. It hasn't been easy, but something I've really tried to do is to be more mindful.
Mindful of my actions and how they affect people.
Mindful of my words and how they make people feel.
Mindful of situations and making sure that I evaluate all possibilities.
Most importantly, mindful of myself.
I do this by checking in with myself and ensuring that I'm focusing my thoughts towards the positive. I've spent, and am still spending, a lot of time moving past things that have been negative and hurtful.
Regardless of hurtful things that have happened, were said, or done (not done) at any point, in the end I've come to a place of clarity. I give myself two choices: Dwell on it, let it fester and keep me awake at night or I can move past it. The question I ask myself is: Will it truly matter in five years?
Some of these obstacles are not so easy to move past. Somethings take time, and some times I reach a point where I just can't exhaust anymore energy on the obstacle any longer. I can't stand thinking about it, dealing with it, talking about it over and over again.
I focus my mind on getting past things that hurt so I can keep that person and relationship in my life. Whether arguments have transpired with my closet friends, my significant other, or my siblings, the point is that these are the people I not only need in my life, but I WANT.
Life sucks at times, and I've seen a lot of sucky things these past two and a half years, but I've also seen a lot of good.
My new job down here has truly made me feel fulfilled within my career. I still have goals to reach within my field, but I landed the job I always wanted when I started teaching. I feel very much at peace within my professional life at the moment.
I feel fulfilled in my love life, because I found someone who truly understands me. He calls me out on my mood swings, he challenges me, and makes me laugh. It's not easy, we work for it, but it is worth every god damn thing I can put into it. He is worth it. Our life is worth it.
I do miss my friends though!! Besides my seeeeeesster, I don't really have any close friends down here. It has been a huge challenge for me, but I'm working on building some new ones.
By finding relief, clarity and fulfillment in so many aspects of my life has helped me reach a feeling of being content. Life is always going to be a challenge, but knowing that I have good people around me makes every hill I've climbed and future hills I will have to climb, worth it.
So I leave you with this mindful meditation:
Focus on the good and find relief in those that reach out
Move past the bad, think clearly before reacting
Live YOUR life to its fullest.
As cliche as this is, life IS too short.
My mom only had a short 59 years here with her family.
She would be 62 this Saturday.
Happy Birthday, Momma.
You are missed every single moment, of every single day.
And every single day I try to be the woman you would be proud of.
In just shy of five months I have picked up my life and have moved down to Los Angeles (Burbank to be exact). I left a beautiful four bedroom house, and moved into a cute two bedroom apartment with the man who has helped me find so much of myself I had thought I lost.
When I actually have a moment to myself, I sit back and wonder how the hell I got here. It all seems like it happened in the blink of an eye, and other times it feels as though it took a lifetime to get to this point.
The point of relief, clarity and fulfillment.
It has been just over a year that I had started a new job at the high school back at home. What a crazy beginning that was. I had just decided to get a divorce two Saturdays before my first day. Before that I had been living at my dad's for a month, and prior to that I was traveling through Europe. My life was in complete chaos.
I was lost.
Dealing with the choice to end a 12 year relationship was not an easy one. Anyone who thinks otherwise is sorely mistaken. However, I knew the right decision was made, but to other people, well, they had their own opinions. I lost friends and I know people's perspective of me changed. Things were said behind my back and to my face (which I always found really puzzling).
Lesson to be learned: Please think about what you tell people. Ask yourself what will be gained by telling that person shitty things that were being said about them? What do you gain by telling them?
From my own experience, nothing is to be gained. You just end up making that person feel worse about their already chaotic life.
I think about something my mom used to say all the time. "I'd rather be hurt than hurt someone."
That right there is the epitome of selflessness. I wish I was at her level.
We all could be a little more mindful and empathetic.
I have found some relief by taking a step or two back and reflecting on situations after they were over. Maybe not over but at least to the point when enough time has passed that I can actually sit back and look at them objectively.
Losing my mom and getting a divorce before 32 was not in my life plan. I've just come to accept what is. It hasn't been easy, but something I've really tried to do is to be more mindful.
Mindful of my actions and how they affect people.
Mindful of my words and how they make people feel.
Mindful of situations and making sure that I evaluate all possibilities.
Most importantly, mindful of myself.
I do this by checking in with myself and ensuring that I'm focusing my thoughts towards the positive. I've spent, and am still spending, a lot of time moving past things that have been negative and hurtful.
Regardless of hurtful things that have happened, were said, or done (not done) at any point, in the end I've come to a place of clarity. I give myself two choices: Dwell on it, let it fester and keep me awake at night or I can move past it. The question I ask myself is: Will it truly matter in five years?
Some of these obstacles are not so easy to move past. Somethings take time, and some times I reach a point where I just can't exhaust anymore energy on the obstacle any longer. I can't stand thinking about it, dealing with it, talking about it over and over again.
I focus my mind on getting past things that hurt so I can keep that person and relationship in my life. Whether arguments have transpired with my closet friends, my significant other, or my siblings, the point is that these are the people I not only need in my life, but I WANT. Life sucks at times, and I've seen a lot of sucky things these past two and a half years, but I've also seen a lot of good.
My new job down here has truly made me feel fulfilled within my career. I still have goals to reach within my field, but I landed the job I always wanted when I started teaching. I feel very much at peace within my professional life at the moment.
I feel fulfilled in my love life, because I found someone who truly understands me. He calls me out on my mood swings, he challenges me, and makes me laugh. It's not easy, we work for it, but it is worth every god damn thing I can put into it. He is worth it. Our life is worth it. I do miss my friends though!! Besides my seeeeeesster, I don't really have any close friends down here. It has been a huge challenge for me, but I'm working on building some new ones.
By finding relief, clarity and fulfillment in so many aspects of my life has helped me reach a feeling of being content. Life is always going to be a challenge, but knowing that I have good people around me makes every hill I've climbed and future hills I will have to climb, worth it.
So I leave you with this mindful meditation:
Focus on the good and find relief in those that reach out
Move past the bad, think clearly before reacting
Live YOUR life to its fullest.
As cliche as this is, life IS too short.
My mom only had a short 59 years here with her family.
She would be 62 this Saturday.
Happy Birthday, Momma.
You are missed every single moment, of every single day.
And every single day I try to be the woman you would be proud of.
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