With Grace In My Heart
This weekend up till Tuesday will remain to be a challenging time in my life.
Starting with tomorrow, April 25, 2012, the last day I saw my mother and hugged her.
When I think of this moment I am over come with sadness and joy.
Sad I'll never be able to see her, hear her voice, or hug her again. I'll never feel that level of comfort and security that only a mother can give.
Joy, because I will forever have that last moment etched into my memory.
That last night I spent with my mom was a night I shared with my dad, my brother Zeb, and my sister-in-law, Vanessa.
A night full of laughter and family.
What stands out the most to me about that night was the moment I was getting ready to leave. I made it to the front door and stopped right before walking out. I turned back and walked over to my mom and gave her a big hug, told her I loved her and to have fun on her trip to SF that next day.
I never saw her again.
I'm grateful for that little voice in my head that instinctively told me to turn around and go to her.
It is still surreal to stop and think that only three short years have passed since her death on April 28th. Some days it feels like she left this world so very long ago, and other days I relive the moment when I received the phone call at 6:20a.m.
My dad on the other end saying, "She didn't make it, Mames."
As much as I write about this loss I am dealing with, I still will never be able to convey the depth of my grief with only words.
I still struggle. I still weep. I still grieve.
The difference from day one to day 1,095 is that I now can reminisce without falling apart (well, most of the time).
I see life as something I never want to waste.
I never want to not do something because I'm scared.
I will never let other people's opinions of me dictate my life.
I value my family even more so than I did before.
I value the true friends I have more so than I did before.
I believe in following my mother's legacy of being kind, generous and loyal.
I am more mindful of my actions and how they affect the people I care about.
I am more mindful of who I trust because a lot of people are not so mindful.
So, to honor my mom...
April 25th: Hugs will be given out. Even though I can't physically hug a lot of my loved ones (living so far away) be prepared for virtual hugs!
April 28th: I plan to bask in the sunshine that my mom loved so much! Of course I will also be taking a shot of patron :)
Sadness and grief are a part of life, and as much as it is difficult to understand and overcome, finding some semblance of peace is the only way to survive the loss.
A quote from one of my favorite Sufi poets:
Starting with tomorrow, April 25, 2012, the last day I saw my mother and hugged her.
When I think of this moment I am over come with sadness and joy.
Sad I'll never be able to see her, hear her voice, or hug her again. I'll never feel that level of comfort and security that only a mother can give.
Joy, because I will forever have that last moment etched into my memory.
That last night I spent with my mom was a night I shared with my dad, my brother Zeb, and my sister-in-law, Vanessa.
A night full of laughter and family.
What stands out the most to me about that night was the moment I was getting ready to leave. I made it to the front door and stopped right before walking out. I turned back and walked over to my mom and gave her a big hug, told her I loved her and to have fun on her trip to SF that next day.
I never saw her again. I'm grateful for that little voice in my head that instinctively told me to turn around and go to her.
It is still surreal to stop and think that only three short years have passed since her death on April 28th. Some days it feels like she left this world so very long ago, and other days I relive the moment when I received the phone call at 6:20a.m.
My dad on the other end saying, "She didn't make it, Mames."
As much as I write about this loss I am dealing with, I still will never be able to convey the depth of my grief with only words.
I still struggle. I still weep. I still grieve.
The difference from day one to day 1,095 is that I now can reminisce without falling apart (well, most of the time).
I see life as something I never want to waste.
I never want to not do something because I'm scared.
I will never let other people's opinions of me dictate my life.
I value my family even more so than I did before.
I value the true friends I have more so than I did before.
I believe in following my mother's legacy of being kind, generous and loyal.
I am more mindful of my actions and how they affect the people I care about.
I am more mindful of who I trust because a lot of people are not so mindful.
So, to honor my mom...
April 25th: Hugs will be given out. Even though I can't physically hug a lot of my loved ones (living so far away) be prepared for virtual hugs!
April 28th: I plan to bask in the sunshine that my mom loved so much! Of course I will also be taking a shot of patron :)
Sadness and grief are a part of life, and as much as it is difficult to understand and overcome, finding some semblance of peace is the only way to survive the loss.
A quote from one of my favorite Sufi poets:
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