A Karen Kind of Day

"Everyone must leave something behind when(s)he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. 

It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. The difference between the man who just cuts lawns and a real gardener is in the touching, he said. The lawn-cutter might just as well not have been there at all; the gardener will be there a lifetime." -Ray Bradbury

The above quote from one of my favorite authors growing up, really sums up the legacy my mother left on this earth. Her smile still radiates in the memories of those who loved her. Even those who knew her for a short time, knew her kindness, her sincerity, and her love. There wasn't a person she came across that didn't receive her genuine smile and kindness. She left her own Karen touch on all those that came across her path in life.  

It has been six years since she journeyed behind the moon, beyond the rain and although the grief has gotten easier to cope with, the loss still weighs heavy on my heart. The first two years on the anniversary of her death were spent wallowing in my grief.
The only thing that remotely got me through those first 48 hours, were my friends. They all surrounded me and didn't leave my side. I will forever be grateful to them for their love and support. 

My mother was always up for sunshine, friends, laughter and an overall good time. I knew in my heart that she wouldn't want me to sink into the darkmess that is constantly surrounding me. So, on the third year since losing her I started a Karen Kind of Day as a way to honor my beautiful mother. My 'sister', Taryn, and I choose things we know my mom would've loved to do. We talk about how much we miss her. We laugh at the funny things she would say. We tell stories of our childhood and sometimes cry as we wish she could be here with us. 

Our first Karen Kind of Day started off at one of my mom's favorite places, the beach. We soaked up the sunshine my mom loved so much, and had lunch next to the ocean. We followed up with a baseball game at Dodger Stadium, which happened to be against the SF Giants.
This was something special, as the last event my mom enjoyed the night she passed away was attending a Giants' game in San Francisco with my dad, and some of her oldest and dearest friends. 

The fourth year of my mom's passing, Taryn was traveling, so our childhood friend Anna came into town to share in my 2nd Karen Kind of Day with me. We hiked a gorgeous hike in LA to the Wisdom Tree. We sat overlooking LA and thought of my mom and her dad who had passed away when Anna was 16 and I was 18.
We decided to stack up rocks in their memory, soak up the sun and enjoy the gorgeous view.


When Anna and her sister Abby lost their father my parents let me take a week off of school and spend the time at their house. The comfort of friendship is more powerful than almost anything in this world.
There hasn't been an event we haven't shared together, and that's what makes our bond  so special to me.

The fifth anniversary was straight of the Wizard of Oz. Taryn, my now husband and our sweet baby boy, took a trip to Antelope Valley to see the poppy fields. If only my mother could've seen this in person as it was a site to see. The rolling hills of gorgeous poppies was so breath taking. We had some libations as we walked and took in the beauty that surrounded us. This year was a little harder for me, as I just had my son. The grief that triggered my depression, was now consumed with postpartum depression. It was a wonderful year, but also a hard year.  

This year makes six years since I lost my mom.  Taryn and I have planned a day to be pampered at a Korean day spa!! Oh how my mom would've LOVED this!!

The rest of the afternoon will be spent with my baby boy, and then we will be heading to a roof top bar with some gorgeous views to catch the sunset and celebrate the life of my mom. 

As each year passes, the grief is no longer a foreign weighted vest, but rather has become a part of me. I live with it, but I also live with the light of my mom inside me. Being raised by such an amazing woman, has shaped me into who I am today. Her kindness, her love, and compassion for others is what I strive to live up to every day and instill in my son. 

As tomorrow approaches I hope you will do something to honor her. 

* Smile at a stranger and say hi.
* Hug your loved ones.
* Treat yo self to something nice.
* Enjoy a cold glass of Patron.
* Laugh.
* Enjoy friends.
* Send a personal card to someone.
* Spend that day in your PJs.

She loved all of those things and more.

May you have your own Karen Kind of Day full of love.